Is the 3rd Time the Charm?

August 2007, I was heading back to college. My first two attempts were in the nursing program. By the third time, I felt like nursing school was a curse. Every time I entered; I was diagnosed with cancer. Plus, I had spent enough time in the hospital over the 3.5 years and been to doctor’s appointments that I decided I did not want to work there the rest of my life. Initially in high school when deciding on the path I wanted to take, I knew I wanted to do nursing or something with math. I was always good in math and enjoyed it. Ultimately, I did want to be a nurse, but by 2007, I took a left turn right into business school. I debated on accounting or business administration, but decided on the broader degree of business administration.

During this time, I was still very weak. When I had my second bone marrow transplant, I had just had hip surgery. I had not recovered when I was admitted into UNC hospital for a 68 day stay. Part of that time I was out of it and did not get out of the bed much. It does not take long at all to lose muscle in your body. I entered college walking with a cane rolling a backpack. I was the 24-year-old, old lady walking the halls.

The first semester I took a light load of classes. I was still traveling back and forth to Chapel Hill for doctor’s appointments and infusions. Some days we would go to Chapel Hill, come straight home, and I would head to Clinton for class. It is amazing the different perspective you have on college when you go back at an older age. College is expected when you graduate high school. Students have already completed 13 years of school. By the time students get to college after high school, they do what they need to get through. I think they are burned out on school.  When I returned years later, I actually read the chapters in the textbooks. I was interested in what I was learning. Don’t get me wrong, I learned a lot in nursing school and tried, but 2007 was different. My grades were great, which they always were, but it was easier to get the good grade. I looked forward to tests. Straight out of high school I dreaded tests. I wanted to see what I learned. It was satisfying to prove to myself that I could do it.

Several months prior to school starting and during school I was noticing something different with my eyes. I could not figure out what they were doing, but I knew something was not right. I was seeing like normal, but there were spots that I was not seeing anything. I remember going to my cousin’s apartment in Wilmington during the summer. She had a small sunroom type room that had all windows on a wall. She was standing in front of the windows talking to me and I could not see her. All I could see was a silhouette of her. I couldn’t see what color she was wearing or anything. The sun had blocked everything out but a black outline of her body. I knew then something was wrong.

In early to mid November of 2007, I went to my nephew’s birthday party. I knew I was having trouble seeing at night, and I told my stepmom I may have to stay with her. The party was over and I thought I would be okay to drive home in the dark. I headed home and I thought I would never make it. My heart was pounding. When I came to a stop sign, I was having trouble seeing what was coming. My car windows were tinted and I had to roll the windows down. As I got closer home, I had to make a left turn onto another road. I was going so slow looking for the road with the window down, my nose in the windshield, and both hands gripping the steering wheel like an old lady. I knew when I made it home it would be the last time I would ever drive at night and it was. When it is dark, I can not see anything but black. It is not blurry it is just dark. I could see the light from headlights but that was about all.

The first semester of college was coming to an end. I was going back and forth to my bone marrow transplant doctor, orthopedic doctor, and now an eye doctor to figure out what was going on. The eye doctor in Clinton did a visual field test, among other things, and the results were not too good. They referred me to an eye doctor in Chapel Hill and my vision problem was becoming clearer.

On December 12, 2007, I was driving to Clinton for a final exam. A couple of miles after I left home, I rounded a slight curve and the sun was blinding. I fumbled with my sunglasses and pulled the sun visor down to block as much sun as I could. I slowed down to a granny pace, and again, my heart was pounding. I knew on this particular curve there was a church that sat down very low on the right. I glanced in my rear-view mirror and a truck was approaching. I did not know where I was on the road. I was envisioning myself driving off of the road, down the embankment, and flipping over into the church parking lot. Thankfully God was on my side and I was able to see the road again. I continued on to school for the final exam. When I finished my test, I left Sampson Community College to head home.  My next unexpected hurdle was the stoplight. I knew in front of Wal-Mart there was a stoplight, but I could not find it. I was moving my eyes all around searching for a red or green light. Finally, I saw it. What I was seeing was not blurry. What I could see was clear. The problem was parts of what I was looking at was completely missing. I could not explain it. I did not know what was going on.  My grandma lived in town and I decided to make a detour to her house. I knew when I made it to her house that would be the last time I would ever drive again, and it was. I called my mom when I got to Mama Vann’s house and told her she was going to have to come get me. That was hard, but I knew I could not make it home. We take simple things that are so common like driving for granted. When it is taken away from you, you realize how fortunate you were to have had it. Be thankful for the things you have, whether it be your health or something tangible. Consider them blessings!